How to seek a religious woman for an arranged marriage?

Compiled by ALi Hussain Dhuniya

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Previous article-nineteen(19) link: https://sunnisalafi.com/how-to-seek-beauty-in-a-woman-for-an-arranged-marriage

This is the third part article on marriage: seeking a righteous wife, both beauty and religious commitment according to the best use of Halala Wasilah(means)

First article: https://sunnisalafi.com/is-her-beauty-or-religion-sought-in-marriage

Second article: https://sunnisalafi.com/how-to-seek-beauty-in-a-woman-for-an-arranged-marriage

How to Seek a Religious Woman for an Arranged Marriage?

When seeking a wife through an arranged marriage, start by assessing her physical appearance. If her beauty appeals to you, then proceed to evaluate her religious commitment, including her beliefs, prayer, fasting, and behavior.

• If her religious commitment is strong after her beauty pleases you, it is appropriate to accept the proposal.
  
• If she lacks religious commitment, even if her beauty is appealing, you should reject her.
  

This approach ensures that your acceptance or rejection is based primarily on religion after beauty initially pleases you. Conversely, if her beauty does not appeal to you, it is wise to reject her—even if she is known as a religious woman within your family, social circle, or society. This is because the main purpose of marriage is to maintain chastity; marrying someone whose appearance does not attract you may lead to temptation and infidelity later. Also, be cautious of extreme beauty, which can distract from worship and marital stability.

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Assessing Her Religion

To understand a woman’s religious commitment, focus on key areas of Aqeedah (belief), including Tawheed, avoiding Shirk, prayer, fasting, and her responsibilities toward her husband and children. Ensure you have studied Islam enough to interpret her answers meaningfully, especially the Five Pillars of Islam and the Six Articles of Faith.

Steps to follow:

1. Verify her honor and character:
    Ask your parents or trusted family members about her reputation. Check if she is known for immorality or inappropriate relationships. Take your time, as many people may hide such information out of fear or social pressure.
   
2. Arrange a proper meeting:
    Start by assessing her beauty. If she pleases you, move on to discussing her religion. Keep this session focused and respectful.
   
3. Encourage honest responses:
    Make her comfortable by saying, “If you don’t know, simply say so. You are not obliged to answer everything; this is just to understand your level of Islamic knowledge.”
   
4. Ask essential questions on Tawheed and Shirk:
   

• What is Istagatha? Is it major Shirk?
  
• What is Shafa’ah? Is it major Shirk?
  
• What is Tawasul? Is it major Shirk?
  
• What is the correct meaning of Shafa’ah?
  
• Why were the Quraysh considered disbelievers even though they believed in Allah as Creator and Sustainer?
  
• Are idol worship and other forms of Shirk mentioned in the Qur’an only considered major Shirk?
  
• Name five ways the Quraysh practiced major Shirk.
  
• What is the meaning of the Kalima?
  
• Can we ask angels or righteous deceased Muslims for help or blessings? Is it Shirk?
  

5. Ask about her knowledge of core Islamic practices:
   

• Name the Five Pillars of Islam and the Six Articles of Faith.
  
• Ask about Allah’s Names and Attributes, and how she understands verses describing Allah with attributes like hands, eyes, or descending to the lowest heaven.
  
• Does she know about different sects such as Ash’ari, Maturidi, Jahmiyyah, and Mu’tazilah? What is the correct belief of Ahl al-Sunnah wal-Jamaah?
  

6. Practical religious habits:
   

• Ask about her prayers and fasting.
  
• Ask about the top responsibilities of a wife toward her husband and children.
  
• Gauge her understanding of modern social issues, like feminism.
  

The answers to these questions will give a clear picture of her religious understanding and suitability for marriage.

Important Note:

The reason I included core religious questions regarding the Kalimah (Shahadah), Shirk, Tawheed, and Allah’s Names and Attributes is that, nowadays, many Muslim parents focus primarily on formal Islamic education rather than genuine understanding and practice. Often, parents send their daughters to madrasas just to obtain a degree, learn to read the Qur’an, and acquire skills in Arabic or Urdu so that their marriage prospects are easier. However, they frequently neglect ensuring that their daughters understand and act upon essential Islamic knowledge—such as the meaning of the Kalimah (Shahadah), the concepts of Shirk and Tawheed, the principles of Iman (faith), Ihsan (excellence in worship), Allah’s Names and Attributes, and the obligation of performing the five daily prayers.

Today, it is also common for parents to marry their daughters into homes with extreme Sufi practices, such as the Barelvi-Sufi tradition, where major Shirk is prevalent—like seeking help and blessings from prophets or Awliyah at their graves, or even from a distance after their worldly death. Many parents overlook these matters because they prioritize worldly considerations—such as social status, wealth, or caste—over genuine religious commitment. As a result, the daughter’s faith and understanding of Islam become secondary to superficial worldly factors.

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