Is Her Beauty or Religion Sought in Marriage? - Imam Ahmad Advise

This is the first article on the marriage of part 3

part 2 & part 3 link given below:

Second article: https://sunnisalafi.com/how-to-seek-beauty-in-a-woman-for-an-arranged-marriage

Third article: https://sunnisalafi.com/how-to-seek-a-religious-woman-for-an-arranged-marriage

Imam Ahmad advised: first assess beauty, then inquire about religion. If the beauty pleases you, then move to examine her religious manners. If her religious conduct is not good — for example, being free from shirk and kufr, having Tawhīd, possessing Iman, praying five times, fasting the month of Ramadān, observing proper speech, and displaying the etiquettes of living with a husband — then reject her, even if her beauty pleases you. In this way, your rejection is based on religious commitment.

However, if a woman is righteous but her beauty does not appeal to you, then reject her, because the ultimate aim of marriage is to protect the private parts from adultery and zina. If the matter is related to a second marriage, then the case is different.

“ As for the statement of the prophet “ The one who possesses beauty” then the evidence for it s in the hadith of the messenger, “ The one who, when he looks at her he feels happy”

Narrated Abu Hurairah: It was narrated that Abu Hurairah said: "It was said to the Messenger of Allah: 'Which woman is best?' He said: 'The one who makes him happy when he looks at her, obeys him when he commands her, and she does not go against his wishes with regard to herself nor her wealth.'" - Sunan an-Nasa'i 3231, Grade: Hasan (Darussalam)

So the happiness of a man when looks at the women lies in the beauty of her face & the beauty of her appearance. So this is evidence for the general meaning of seeking the one with beauty because the intent behind marriage is to keep oneself chaste. Therefore if he chooses a women who isn’t very beautiful then maybe he would not (be able to) keep himself chaste if he marries her.

It has been reported that Imam Ahmad said “ It is upon the man, if he wishes to marry that he asks about the beauty of the women, & then if she impressed him then he asks about her religion. If it impress him then he should accept her & if she doesn’t impress him he should reject her.” So he either accepts or rejects her (after being pleased with her beauty) depending upon the religion.

However, the youth of today do the opposite; he first enquire about religion, so if she possesses good religion, performs the prayers, fast & so on, then when he enquires about her beauty they tell to him “By Allah she is okay, she is 50/50” thus he leaves her. So his acceptance & rejection was based upon what? It was based upon beauty(this is not right).

Imam Ahmad used to teach the people that the issue isn’t like that, ( he taught them to enquire about beauty first, for beauty is something that is required. Ask about the beauty & if it pleases you then ask about her religion & if her religion impresses you then marry her & if her religion doesn’t impress you then leave her meaning your acceptance or rejection (of her) was based upon her religion ( after being impressed with her looks). This is a proof from Imam Ahmad that the beauty is something which is require & it is from the natural pre-disposition, it is something you desire.

However, there are two things which you have to pay attention to:

The first point: Be aware of extreme beauty which may be a distraction from work, life & worship( a beauty which) occupies the man. This is what has been narrated from Abu Bakr as-Siddique or Umar ibn al-khattab that he ordered one of his sons to divorce his wife, (when he was asked why) he answered, because “ she distracts you with her beauty”.

The boy did not want to sit except next to her, he doesn’t want to move to the right or left but he just wants to be with her.

When the father witnessed the condition of his son, why did he order him to divorce her? He feared from her the religion of his son since her beauty distracted him & this proves that seeking “beauty” doesn’t mean that you seek the extreme type of beauty.

Especially the youth of today, In this era there are many corrupt channels which display the pictures of beautiful women. So the young man depicts in his mind a picture one those women then seeks a woman (to marry) just like the one in the picture. This is an error & not suitable. That which is befitting for the youth is that he seeks a woman who is good-looking meaning beautiful & not blameworthy, ugly, a woman who is one-eyed or one who has deflects & so on.

The people should pay attention to this point. It is not intended by the scholars — when they mention beauty, the type of beauty in a woman which will be a distraction, nor is it a beauty which will be a trial for a person, drawing him away from his worship.

The second point: Those who are experienced & the condition of the woman say “ By Allah living (with a woman) & having a good relationship with her everything will change. How?

He says, “I married a women who possessed extreme beauty however when I lived with her, I saw arrogance & boastfulness (from her) & she didn’t carry out the household chores. She didn’t interact with me in a good way nor did I hear from her speech which was pleasing to me. I started to hate her & when I saw with her beauty I hated her.

He explains, “ I don’t feel the pleasure of marriage nor marital bliss nor the pleasure of being a husband & having a wife until I divorced her & married a women less beautiful than her rather she was average, however, I felt the comfort & tranquility which is mentioned in the Quran regarding the relationship between the man & his wife.

The third point: “ The true beauty lies in the beauty of interaction, beauty of manners & the perfection of fulfilling the duties of both husband & wife.

If a person were to choose a woman with average looks then this with ensure by the grace of Allah, accompanied with her good manners & fulfilling her duties, that when(the man) looks at her he will be happy. However, the other man who had the beautiful wife said, after sometime “ when I used to look at her I used to feel resent & anger. She doesn’t satisfy me & I’m not comfortable anymore”.

So the true beauty which is upon the individual to seek is the beauty of manners & religion accompanied with average looks. Don’t exaggerate & don’t be deceived by the image shown (on tv, webseries) & then look for a woman based upon the picture. This is in opposition to the Quran & Sunnah.

Rather some of the salaf, when the father saw that his son became occupied with her beauty, he would command his son to divorce the women who distracted him.

Because as soon as he becomes preoccupied with her beauty then it’s over, he won’t want to go to work again & he will not perform jihad when the time of jihad arrives, so why would a father want this type of woman for his son? He orders him to divorce her because she distracted him, is this clear?

Therefore the intent behind beauty is the average beauty — the women who doesn’t have defects — meaning the woman who doesn’t have any defects in her(body, face etc).

For if there was a woman who had a beautiful figure & face but her character was evil, then she will chase man away.

So pay attention to the third point: What is the beauty which remains with the person? It is the beauty of the figure & the face or is it the beauty of manner & interaction?

This is what will remain — the beauty of character & good relation. So you must consider these issues in relation to women ( when seeking to marry them)”.

End of Speech

Very Important Question:

Marrying a Non-Practicing Muslim in Hopes of Changing Them | Allamah Shaykh Ibn Uthaymin

Marrying a Non-Practicing Muslim in Hopes of Changing Them | Shaykh Ibn Uthaymin

source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eW7KBRmME6U

Allamah Shaykh Salih al-'Uthaymin said:

Pay attention to this beneficial principle.

What should be taken into account in matters?

It is what is seen, not what is hoped for [in the future].

You are not tasked with unknown matters but with what is in front of you.

From here, we know the answer to a question that is frequently asked: 'A man proposes to a woman who is practicing [the religion], but he is not practicing it. She wants to marry him and says, "Perhaps Allah will guide him through me." '

Do you understand [the point]? Is this based on what is seen or what is hoped for?

Students: What is hoped for.

Shaykh ibn Uthaymeen continues: We don't know [the future].

What we can see in front of us right now is that he is not practicing. So if she says, "Perhaps Allah will guide him through me," we say, "And perhaps Allah will misguide you through him." Is that not correct? Everything is possible. And the fact that you will become misguided through him is more likely than him being guided through you because it is known that a man's influence over a woman is stronger than a woman's influence over him.

Is that not the case?

And how many men pressure their wives to do what they want until they cause them to conform and do what they want over what they want.

This is something observed and experienced.

The most important thing is to understand that one is tasked with what they can see, not with what they hope will happen in the future.

End of speech

The Direct Question is: Do you understand Shirk and Tawheed(La-ilaha illAllah Muhammadur-rasulullah), and do you pray five times a day? Ask these questions of yourself.

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previous article-17 link: https://sunnisalafi.com/salaf-is-the-sect-of-allah